So we were at that fast food joint today with the playscape and DaGirl got a "little" something extra.
I took DaGirl to the restroom and while I was helping her wash her hands, a little boy came in by himself and went to the urinal. We turned around to dry our hands and this 5 or 6 year old faces us and says "Hi".
We both turn back to look at him and simultaneously say "Hi".
During the split second we're still looking at him he says "My name is Zack" and drops his pants to his knees, then slowly turns toward the urinal. I quickly point DaGirl back toward the drier before she giggles (she giggles at everything) at "Zack's" willie and zoom out the door.
All I could think of was my two year old (who has a thing for older boys anyway) was just given a peep show (a comedy really) by a very unabashed and ill equipped boy flasher.
g
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Slave Driver
It is nice to know that my wife cares about me, but man, she can be a demanding coach!
When I ride by bike to work, I call her when I get there to let her know I have arrived safely. I will call her regardless of whether I rode the whole way or did the Bike/Bus/Bike thing.
My best time for this commute, on the road bike, with traffic lights in my favor, no pedestrians in the cross walks, minimal traffic and in the summer after plenty of time in the saddle was 40 minutes for the 13.1 miles. Avg of ~19.5mph.
My typical time on the Old Ironsides, not pushing it, with traffic, pedestrians, stop lights, etc. is 50 minutes. Avg of ~15.7mph
I was able to get DaMom to agree to give me 1 hour before she started with the search party stuff.
Today was the first time this year I rode to work the entire way. I was on Old Ironsides and he wasn't all that happy, I was feeling the ride, and I got stuck at several lights and crosswalks. It took me 65 minutes to get there.
Like a vicious Drill Sargent she was on the phone at 60 minutes looking for me and told the Office Manager to have me call her as soon as I got in. As soon as I got to my desk I did just that and was told "I expect your ride to take 1 hour and you to call me in an hour, there are no excuses!"
When DaKids go to school and DaMom goes back to work I think she should become one of those fat camp personal trainers who don't accept excuses for anything!
g
When I ride by bike to work, I call her when I get there to let her know I have arrived safely. I will call her regardless of whether I rode the whole way or did the Bike/Bus/Bike thing.
My best time for this commute, on the road bike, with traffic lights in my favor, no pedestrians in the cross walks, minimal traffic and in the summer after plenty of time in the saddle was 40 minutes for the 13.1 miles. Avg of ~19.5mph.
My typical time on the Old Ironsides, not pushing it, with traffic, pedestrians, stop lights, etc. is 50 minutes. Avg of ~15.7mph
I was able to get DaMom to agree to give me 1 hour before she started with the search party stuff.
Today was the first time this year I rode to work the entire way. I was on Old Ironsides and he wasn't all that happy, I was feeling the ride, and I got stuck at several lights and crosswalks. It took me 65 minutes to get there.
Like a vicious Drill Sargent she was on the phone at 60 minutes looking for me and told the Office Manager to have me call her as soon as I got in. As soon as I got to my desk I did just that and was told "I expect your ride to take 1 hour and you to call me in an hour, there are no excuses!"
When DaKids go to school and DaMom goes back to work I think she should become one of those fat camp personal trainers who don't accept excuses for anything!
g
Friday, March 27, 2009
My Best Bike Stories - Part 3 - Tornado Alley
Tornado Alley - 2000
On Memorial Day Weekend DaMom (at the time she was DaWife) and I went to Pennsylvania for a camping trip with a bunch of our friends from college. We had been in the working world for a couple of years and this was the first time we had all gotten together since college. The State Park we were camping at supposedly had a great reputation for quality mountain biking trails which was why we were there.
On Saturday only 3 of the 7 of us decided to go out in search of trails. Apparently I intimidated the others (I don't get it). We stopped by the ranger station first to get a map and ask what were best novice trails (D. and J.W. were afraid I'd leave them in the dust. Again what's with the intimidation). The Ranger pointed us in the direction of the trails on the southern side of the mountain where there were ample service roads to get back out of the woods if needed (or desired). The only indication to the trail conditions was a passing mention of "there are some trees down". Being from New England and understanding that every winter knocks trees down and it take a while to clear them in the woods, it never occurred to me that it would mean more than climbing over a couple of logs with bikes. Not a big deal.
We left the ranger station feeling prepared and ready for a good day of riding. J.W. and I had our Camelbaks on loaded up with gear, food and water. I had my full suspension bike (FSB) and D. had my old FSB both tipping the scales around 30lbs each and J.W. had a lighter hardtail.
We started down a nice twisting, fast, fire road that stopped at a downed tree. We hike over the mammoth timber and continue down some single track for ways. We come to a section of downed trees, climb over them and continue on. Then we come to more downed trees and wondering what the heck is going on. The trees looked as if loggers had come through dropping trees for a new road and never cleaned up the mess. All of the trees had no vegetation and were gray, so I knew this devastation wasn't recent but couldn't understand what happened.
In my life I've seen a lot of local woods be clear cut for the construction of mini-malls, McMansions, and to circumvent a conservation commission ruling that wouldn't allow more than X number of acres to be cleared at one time (he got the ~25 acres clearcut the week before the ruling went into effect and now 20+ years later that parcel still sits vacant). So I naturally thought some bonehead developer started dropping trees and was halted by something; cash flow, the court, or public outcry.
We lost any and all signs of a trail and start hiking the edges of the downed tree line trying to find one. After two horrendous hours of hiking with bikes, we finally found a fire road that is in service. We then start the process of figuring out "where the hell are we" and ride a couple of miles back to the ranger station.
We're all PO'd and want to know why so many trees are down. We walk into the ranger station and ask the same green shirted knucklehead what happened to the forest. His response was one for the record books; "What? Trees down?.............. OH YEAH! We had a tornado come through here last year......... Sorry 'bout that."
Gee thanks!
g
On Memorial Day Weekend DaMom (at the time she was DaWife) and I went to Pennsylvania for a camping trip with a bunch of our friends from college. We had been in the working world for a couple of years and this was the first time we had all gotten together since college. The State Park we were camping at supposedly had a great reputation for quality mountain biking trails which was why we were there.
On Saturday only 3 of the 7 of us decided to go out in search of trails. Apparently I intimidated the others (I don't get it). We stopped by the ranger station first to get a map and ask what were best novice trails (D. and J.W. were afraid I'd leave them in the dust. Again what's with the intimidation). The Ranger pointed us in the direction of the trails on the southern side of the mountain where there were ample service roads to get back out of the woods if needed (or desired). The only indication to the trail conditions was a passing mention of "there are some trees down". Being from New England and understanding that every winter knocks trees down and it take a while to clear them in the woods, it never occurred to me that it would mean more than climbing over a couple of logs with bikes. Not a big deal.
We left the ranger station feeling prepared and ready for a good day of riding. J.W. and I had our Camelbaks on loaded up with gear, food and water. I had my full suspension bike (FSB) and D. had my old FSB both tipping the scales around 30lbs each and J.W. had a lighter hardtail.
We started down a nice twisting, fast, fire road that stopped at a downed tree. We hike over the mammoth timber and continue down some single track for ways. We come to a section of downed trees, climb over them and continue on. Then we come to more downed trees and wondering what the heck is going on. The trees looked as if loggers had come through dropping trees for a new road and never cleaned up the mess. All of the trees had no vegetation and were gray, so I knew this devastation wasn't recent but couldn't understand what happened.
In my life I've seen a lot of local woods be clear cut for the construction of mini-malls, McMansions, and to circumvent a conservation commission ruling that wouldn't allow more than X number of acres to be cleared at one time (he got the ~25 acres clearcut the week before the ruling went into effect and now 20+ years later that parcel still sits vacant). So I naturally thought some bonehead developer started dropping trees and was halted by something; cash flow, the court, or public outcry.
We lost any and all signs of a trail and start hiking the edges of the downed tree line trying to find one. After two horrendous hours of hiking with bikes, we finally found a fire road that is in service. We then start the process of figuring out "where the hell are we" and ride a couple of miles back to the ranger station.
We're all PO'd and want to know why so many trees are down. We walk into the ranger station and ask the same green shirted knucklehead what happened to the forest. His response was one for the record books; "What? Trees down?.............. OH YEAH! We had a tornado come through here last year......... Sorry 'bout that."
Gee thanks!
g
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
"honey, come pick me up"...
...she said into the phone....
The following incident took place on:
Wednesday March 25th, 2009.
6:30pm - DaMom leaves for quilting class.
8:50pm - The following phone transcript occurred;
ring
DaGoof - Hello?
DaMom - Hi you need to call my parents have them come over watch the kids and come pick me up.
DG - What happened? (I'm thinking the car died or she was in a wreck)
DM - I cut my finger.
DG - Uh, OK (thinking...you cut your finger and can't drive home? I cut my fingers with a table saw and drove myself to the ER and you...)
DM - The Paramedics are on their way and we'll see what they have to say.
DG - Uh, OK, I'll get a hold of your mother.
9:50pm - I arrive at the hospital and discover that she was on her third set of bandages and still bleeding through the bandage.
10:15 She's wheeled to the "Fast Track" section of the ER and get's cleaned up and re-bandaged by a doctor.
10:30 - She gets X-rays done.
11:00 - We're on our way out of the door.
11:30 - Home.
That's the fastest ER trip ever!!!
Trust me I know...(but that's for another post)
What happened? A rotary cutter slipped and nipped the side of the tip of her left index finger while cutting strips for her quilt.
The next few days ought to be a hoot!
g
The following incident took place on:
Wednesday March 25th, 2009.
6:30pm - DaMom leaves for quilting class.
8:50pm - The following phone transcript occurred;
ring
DaGoof - Hello?
DaMom - Hi you need to call my parents have them come over watch the kids and come pick me up.
DG - What happened? (I'm thinking the car died or she was in a wreck)
DM - I cut my finger.
DG - Uh, OK (thinking...you cut your finger and can't drive home? I cut my fingers with a table saw and drove myself to the ER and you...)
DM - The Paramedics are on their way and we'll see what they have to say.
DG - Uh, OK, I'll get a hold of your mother.
9:50pm - I arrive at the hospital and discover that she was on her third set of bandages and still bleeding through the bandage.
10:15 She's wheeled to the "Fast Track" section of the ER and get's cleaned up and re-bandaged by a doctor.
10:30 - She gets X-rays done.
11:00 - We're on our way out of the door.
11:30 - Home.
That's the fastest ER trip ever!!!
Trust me I know...(but that's for another post)
What happened? A rotary cutter slipped and nipped the side of the tip of her left index finger while cutting strips for her quilt.
g
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
my fase iz nub
What was I thinking?
Mr. Weatherman told me it was going to be cold and windy this morning but why would I believe him?
When I got to work the weather station on the roof said 27°F with wind gusts as high as 12mph.
That's a crock o' bull.
The 10 foot flag next door is straight out.
I think I can feel my face again.
g
Mr. Weatherman told me it was going to be cold and windy this morning but why would I believe him?
When I got to work the weather station on the roof said 27°F with wind gusts as high as 12mph.
That's a crock o' bull.
The 10 foot flag next door is straight out.
I think I can feel my face again.
g
Monday, March 23, 2009
My Best Bike Stories - Part 2 - The Nectar Debacle
I've wrecked a lot. My friends wrecked a lot. Whether it was youthful indiscretion or the lack of fear, we found ourselves on the wrong side of the pedals countless times. We did a lot of fun and stupid things on bikes. In this mini-series I will try to describe our most notable adventures, they aren't all fairy tales but they're not all gruesome either, some are even hilarious.
The Nectar Debacle ~1988-1990
As youths we were addicted to sugar. It didn't matter what it was but if it had high fructose corn syrup in it we were all over it. After school we'd stop at our local market, pick up our junk food and speed off to a place to scarf it down.
On this particular day there were three of us heading over to a another friends house. I was on my 12 speed road bike (and obviously in the road) with J and Jo on their mountain bikes in the sidewalk. (Yeah yeah yeah they shouldn't have been on the sidewalk in the first place but then there would be no story). We were in the old section of town and by old I'm mean most houses were built between 1700 and 1900. There were large trees and large hedge rows dividing the front yards and the sidewalk. The sidewalk was concrete, narrow and very bumpy.
So there we were, buzzing down this well traveled street with our sugar loot and screwing around as per usual. J and I were side by side (he on the sidewalk, me on the street, remember?) and Jo lagging behind on the sidewalk. J had bought a 2 liter of cola ("nectar of the gods" as my wife calls it) and was carrying it on his left arm like a football. His right arm was on the handlebar.
Next thing I hear is "OH SH......." I look to my right and J is gone. I look over my right shoulder and he's still no where to be found. I jack up on the brakes and turn around to see Jo doubled over on his bike. I ride up to hear Jo laughing uncontrollably and pointing towards the hedge row.
At first I'm taken aback by what I saw but then had to laugh once I processed the image in my head. There was J stuck in the hedge still on the bike just like he was riding it but his rear wheel was a foot or so off the ground. He was still clutching the soda bottle like a running back. "I saved it" he said glancing down toward the bottle. The image of him stuck in the hedges matched the last image I had of him riding down the street perfectly only with the rear wheel off the ground and him being stationary.
Then he said "help".
Naturally I took the bottle from him and threatened to leave him there. Eventually I did help him out and pull the needles off of him but we sure weren't going to let that one go for a while (20 years later and I'm still writing about it!).
Apparently he had veered into rock at the end of a driveway and was launched into the hedge. He and the bike were unharmed except for the blow to the ego and we continued on our way.
g
The Nectar Debacle ~1988-1990
As youths we were addicted to sugar. It didn't matter what it was but if it had high fructose corn syrup in it we were all over it. After school we'd stop at our local market, pick up our junk food and speed off to a place to scarf it down.
On this particular day there were three of us heading over to a another friends house. I was on my 12 speed road bike (and obviously in the road) with J and Jo on their mountain bikes in the sidewalk. (Yeah yeah yeah they shouldn't have been on the sidewalk in the first place but then there would be no story). We were in the old section of town and by old I'm mean most houses were built between 1700 and 1900. There were large trees and large hedge rows dividing the front yards and the sidewalk. The sidewalk was concrete, narrow and very bumpy.
So there we were, buzzing down this well traveled street with our sugar loot and screwing around as per usual. J and I were side by side (he on the sidewalk, me on the street, remember?) and Jo lagging behind on the sidewalk. J had bought a 2 liter of cola ("nectar of the gods" as my wife calls it) and was carrying it on his left arm like a football. His right arm was on the handlebar.
Next thing I hear is "OH SH......." I look to my right and J is gone. I look over my right shoulder and he's still no where to be found. I jack up on the brakes and turn around to see Jo doubled over on his bike. I ride up to hear Jo laughing uncontrollably and pointing towards the hedge row.
At first I'm taken aback by what I saw but then had to laugh once I processed the image in my head. There was J stuck in the hedge still on the bike just like he was riding it but his rear wheel was a foot or so off the ground. He was still clutching the soda bottle like a running back. "I saved it" he said glancing down toward the bottle. The image of him stuck in the hedges matched the last image I had of him riding down the street perfectly only with the rear wheel off the ground and him being stationary.
Then he said "help".
Naturally I took the bottle from him and threatened to leave him there. Eventually I did help him out and pull the needles off of him but we sure weren't going to let that one go for a while (20 years later and I'm still writing about it!).
Apparently he had veered into rock at the end of a driveway and was launched into the hedge. He and the bike were unharmed except for the blow to the ego and we continued on our way.
g
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