Best retort of the day

My Boss: I forgot to tell you what orientation we need the output to be.
DaGoof: Ugh, really?
MB: Let's look at the model.
*Opening files*
 (after much discussion)
MB: Damn, it's V not H. Does that make you hate me?
DaGoof: It's a good thing Christmas is a long way off, you've got a lot of reparations to make if you want to get a card from me.

Sim City meets plumbers nightmare - and it needs to change, again.

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A Little like this?

I'm laying out the bed of a new Tornado Chaser at work. The guy in charge of the project made mention of using duct work as a cheap and easy method to provide the system with air. I knew it would look like hell when he said it so I picked out the bluest tubing I could get from McMaster and went to town.

I christen thee ECTO 1.1!!

Uh no...
My plan worked though! I finally got him to agree to sheet-metal ducting. A co-worker dubbed me the master of hyperbole here to get my way.
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The Perfect Job

What is the perfect Job?

...Besides the unobtainable occupation where I'm paid gobs of money to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it....

So what do I think the criteria are for a perfect job:

1. It should cater to ones strengths but still offer a challenge to ones weaknesses.
2. It should be enjoyable. Happiness is key to everything in life. Mini-dramas are not required.
   
3. It should be dynamic. Constantly repeating the same tasks is just work.
4. It should be agreeable with your one's body to walk through the door.
5. It should have an employer who view's their employees as assets.
   

I am a Mechanical Engineer. I find sitting down and analyzing a structure the most god awful task on the planet. As a matter of fact, just about everything that was taught in college I find to be useless. I do not like deriving formulas or solving complicated math expressions. It is very rare for me to sing praise for engineering. In general I have had some crappy experiences in this field.

So, how does my present job compare to the ideals above?:

1. I am a hands on type of person. If it is broken I will fix it. (DaGirl thinks I am some kind of god.) If 10 pounds of stuff need to fit into a 5 pound bag, I will get it in there. I have been using 3d software for 10 years now and it has become an extension of my brain. I think in 3d. Diplomacy was a weakness but now I need to be diplomatic when receiving and presenting ideas.
   
2. Bringing a bizarre concept to life from a crazy PhD is satisfying. I start with some hair-brained scheme and turn it into a tangible product that the PhD's are amazed by. I don't have to deal with dramas set up by people who are looking to hide something from others. I am a department of one and operate mostly autonomously accomplishing my tasks in a timely manner.
   
3. Throughout a project I will conceive a plan, model it in CAD, check it in CAD, send out drawings for manufacturing, handle any manufacturing issues, receive the parts, test fit parts, modify parts as required (me and the mill), send parts off for finishing (plating, painting, etc.), receive parts from finishing, reassemble machined parts, pass the assembly over to an electrical technician for wiring and cabling, handle any of the technicians issues and once the system is operating and ready to ship I'll box it up and load it onto the truck. That is a dynamic position.
   
4. In the past, I have sleep-walked (or driven) to jobs and then been filled with dread as I opened the door, surprised that I was there already and loathing what lies ahead. In the last 4 1/2 years I've been here I have never had that sensation walking in the door. Sure there have been times when I'd rather be elsewhere but it's never been the job itself that has gotten me down or made me feel physically ill.
5. My employers can be flakes. They are PhD's who get wrapped up in their theories and coding. They have the vision but lack the contrast to see the true final picture. They rely on their employees to create all of the fine details they can not foresee and then covert them into a finished product. They may not always seem appreciative but they know why the product is going out the door and are generous with their compensation as a result. They want me to be happy and be stress free. They are more than willing to hire another ME of my choosing.
   

In the past I have been at places where my employers have:
...barely even noticed me.
...not allowed me to go beyond my department.
...required me to get permission to make a change to a drawing that I goofed up and no parts have been made yet.
...not allowed me to complete a task, always interrupting one job for another "more critical" one.
...generated stress and wanted it that way.

This job isn't always sunshine and roses but I guess I have found the perfect job...
for me...

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How is one supposed to react....

....when one sees 700 hours of their labor floating through the Swiss Alps attached to a whirlybird by a shoe string?


A host of questions sprang to mind:

• Did it fall?
• Did they break it?
• I thought they wanted a towable system. Did they really want a flight system?
  
• What is that thing hanging behind it?
• Why is the mountain terraced like that?
• How did they terrace the mountain like that?

It got to it's mountain top hideaway safely. (*snaps fingers* aw shucks)

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My Helpful Co-Workers

When my calculator went missing I put out the company wide call:

If anyone sees a lost, cold and lonely, TI-86 graphing calculator (black), please return it to me. He has been missing for a couple of days now and is probably very scared and might be hiding.

Thanks,
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In less than one hour these are the responses that came back:

#1

Great, now I'll have to keep an eye on my TI-85, so that it doesn't run off to cavort with your calculator.  Can't you keep that thing on a leash?  I don't want it meddling with my innocent, shall I say chaste, number cruncher.

#2

My calculator really enjoys jazz saxophone. I would recommend wandering around busting out some soulful sax licks... I'm sure that would get him out of hiding.

#3

I saw him hanging out with my slide rule who says she has no idea where he went.

#4

I'm sure he's safe; probably hanging out with my needle nose pliers, dikes, and USB cable.

It is so wonderful working with such kind, thoughtful, and helpful people. NOT!!!

*EDIT*
And a former Co-Worker has chimed in with his comment...
"I'd be careful. The government has probably confiscated your calculator as a weapon of math instruction..."

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The Case of the Missing Shear

At work we utilize a couple of cool local machinists: One, T.S. gets most of our one-off, little stuff since he's a one man shop. J.B. gets the more complicated (CNC) and higher quantity parts. The cool part about both is, if I need something quick or for a personal project (govt. job) I can use some of their equipment (band saw, bending brake etc.).

J.B.'s shop is literally 200 yards from work so it's very convenient to walk over when I need to see him. He is a former drag racer who at one time did a lot of work on a top fuel dragster. He has a small bending brake and a sheet metal shear left over from those days that I have been using sporadically over the years when I need to make quick covers or duct work at work.

Several years ago he had a fire at his shop and what wasn't destroyed in the blaze was placed into storage in the barn next door. The barn is owned by the local sawmill/lumberyard/home center that is between us. As payment for letting him use the space, J.B. gave the owner one of his old Bridgeport milling machines. Once the shop was rebuilt most of the equipment brought back in and only a couple of items remained in the barn. One of these items left behind was the shear.

Tennsmith Model 52 Foot-Squaring Shear

The shear is in working order, it needs a little TLC but serviceable, in its location in the barn. The barn is never used for much more than storage and the shear is located in the back behind the usual pile of over stock lumber. The bending brake resides upstairs in the stock area of the shop. J.B. recently made room for the shear to join the brake up there.

The late summer or early fall was the last time I used the shear in the barn. I made three of five air deflectors for a air conditioners needed for a project. I'm not happy with the way said project turned out but that's a story to be told over a beer and a campfire. Now we need the last two air deflectors and I went over to the barn to cut the stock into strips prior to bending and the shear is gone.

Nothing is where it once sat except for some cut offs. The tool is 900+ pounds where did it go? Surely it didn't just sprout legs, crawl over the lumber pile and out the door, did it?

I go over to the shop and J.B. is surprised to hear it's missing as well (since he just made room for it).

We go over to the sawmill and ask around. No one knows anything about it. They don't even know what it is. They say they haven't scrapped any metal, which is readily apparent by the crap strewn around the barns.

So where did it go? Time to call Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys in on this one.
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"I Live for Danger"

This piece of video awesomeness stars three of my coworkers.


Check out The Weather Channel segment "Vortex 2: I Live for Danger"
What makes it awesome?

1. "Top Gun" reference.
2. "Brooklin Hipster" comparison of a South Shore native.
3. Red Sox plug....
4. Underwear reference.
5. The drying of underwear on the radar (actually that might be the only way to sanitize those 2 pair by week 4, way to go Bethany!).
6. Those shorts!!!
7. Seeing a smart-ass friend on national TV.
   

I want write more but I can't stop chuckling...

... so I'll cut and paste the description of the Vortex 2 experiment from their homepage:

VORTEX2 is by far the largest and most ambitious effort ever made to understand tornadoes. We expect over 100 scientists and crew in up to 40 science and support vehicles to participate in this unique, fully nomadic, field program in May/June 2009-2010. The National Science Foundation (NSF) foundation and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Adminstration (NOAA) together are contributing over $10 million towards this effort. Participants will be drawn from several universities, and several government and private organizations, and will be international including members from Italy, Netherlands, United Kingdom, Canada and Australia.

The basic questions are simple to ask, but hard to answer.

- How, when, and why do tornadoes form? Why some are violent and long lasting while others are weak and short lived?

- What is the structure of tornadoes? How strong are the winds near the ground? How exactly do they do damage?

- How can we learn to forecast tornadoes better? Current warnings have an only 13 minute average lead time and a 70% false alarm rate. Can we make warnings more accurate? Can we warn 30, 45, 60 minutes ahead?

VORTEX2 will use an unprecedented fleet of cutting edge instruments to literally surround tornadoes and the supercell thunderstorms that form them. An armada of 10 mobile radars, including the Doppler On Wheels (DOW) from the Center for Severe Weather Research (CSWR), SMART-Radars from the University of Oklahoma, the NOXP radar from the National Severe Storms Laboratory (NSSL), radars from the University of Massachusetts, the Office of Naval Research and Texas Tech University (TTU), 10 mobile mesonet instrumented vehicles from NSSL and CSWR, 38 deployable instruments including Sticknets (TTU), Tornado-Pods (CSWR), 4 disdrometers (University of Colorado (CU) and U of Illinois), weather balloon launching vans (NSSL, NCAR and SUNY-Oswego), unmanned aircraft (CU), damage survey teams (CSWR, Lyndon State College, NCAR), and photogrammetry teams (Lyndon State Univesity and NCAR), and other instruments.

VORTEX2 is fully nomadic with no home base. Scientists will roam from state to state following severe weather outbreaks through the Plains.

VORTEX2 will hit the road from 10 May - 13 June 2009 and 1 May - 15 June 2010.

Still laughing
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Lack of Prior Planning...

...On Your Part, Does Not Constitute an Emergency on My Part.

At work, I was pulled off of a side track, of a side track, of a side track, twice today for things that absolutely had to be done that instant. This is normal. However where would these guys be if I didn't come in? I probably shouldn't have come in today for various reasons.

I'm essentially a department of one. No one else will pay attention long enough for me to even explain the file system I use.

How would they have gotten their pretty pictures for the proposal that was due today? Just because they've had the proposal for weeks now doesn't mean anything should be mentioned any earlier than the due date, does it?

Who would have talked them off of the ledge and advised against ordering a duplicate part just because they don't want to take the time to figure out the existing parts' code? Spending money solves everything, right?

Who would have contacted a service vendor and started the scheduling process for a job and transferred a pile of information between our customer and our vendor?

Where would they be?
hmmm

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Tolerance for Ignorance - Dwindling

Once upon a time I had no tolerance for ignorance. Over the last several years I've learned to change and have some compassion toward those who can't be bothered to pay attention to anything.

That compassion is dwindling rapidly.

Today, Tech 1 at work is frantically trying to find some cables and I overhear this. I ask him what project it's for and he gives me the answer I expected. I then ask him if he checked the boxes under the cart the project is sitting on....."uh, no".

Two weeks ago after I finished the rough assembly (I assemble all of the components onto the framework because these "people" can't be bothered to read a print and would call me over anyway), I went over the basics with the Tech 2 and made a point of telling him that when I ordered X, I ordered all the cables he wanted to operate X and they are in the boxes on the bottom cart the system was sitting on.

I ask Tech 1 "Did you look in the boxes on the cart below the system?"

Tech 1 - blank stare

I explain "I ordered everything Tech 2 wanted that was used in the 'previous' system".

Tech 1 scurries off.

I follow a few minutes later just to confirm my expectations.

They had it all along, not 5 feet from them, and managed to get themselves, a software person, and a network tech all worked up and searching for a red herring over nothing.

Like I said, my tolerance in dwindling.

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WDID? - SHDR

My end of the SHDR is complete!!! After two long days out in Boston last week the mechanical aspects are done.

The height detecting radar under the canopy.

The two radars side by side and Boston in the distance.

Boxes...

Why do people feel the need to open other peoples boxes?

I handle 90% of the parts that go out to be machined, fabricated, plated or painted. The other 10% are handled by our "middle eastern division" (they're in an eastern cell of the converted strip mall we're in, and the name just fits) When an item is for plating or painting I box the items, make up the parts lists, call for pick up, deal with any QC issues the vendor has and perform the incoming inspection. It is generally understood that if the white truck from the other side of the river is here, it's here for me.

So then why did a particular busy body see the need to open a box that came back from plating this afternoon?

I saw the truck pull in. I put the box on the bench in front of my cube. I knew what it was and I knew it could stay boxed up for the day. We have enough stuff spread around here and keeping the contents of that box together and wrapped up would be fine until we got to Boston to do the final install. As long as the parts were in the box they could be all scratched and hot pink and I could care less, their function would still be performed.

Now the box is gone and the parts are who knows where. I'm not even sure he signed the packing slip.

So then back to the question, why?

Is it the fear of not knowing what's inside an unopened box?

Is it the joy that comes from opening a sealed box?

Is it need to be in everyone's business?

Yeah, that's it.

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WDID? 2

What do I do? Part 2

On any given day I could be designing, assembling, loading a box truck, driving to Boston, and installing the "heavy stuff" of a project.

This was case last Thursday and Friday:



What?
SHDR - Ship Height Detection Radar

Why?
To measure the heights of ships, DUH?!
The illustrious airport in Boston has a runway that overlooks a harbor inlet and since the runway protection zone crosses said inlet, provisions need to be made for seeing ships that cross those invisible lines. The system they are presently using which only tracks ships is going away soon and our solution is one radar to track the ships and the other measures the height. The height radar will sit under the overhang inside of a plastic barrier and all of the computers needed to run it are in the shelter.

It's an interesting system, just don't ask me to explain how it works, I'm only the ME.

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What Do I Do?

A couple of weekends ago, while visiting my father in the hospital (yes he's still there, since Nov 7th), I realized no one really understands the stuff I design and build at work. So I think it's high time to start a little mini-series on some of the projects I do there.

First up: SRA

Take 10 pounds of stuff and cram it into a 1 pound bag.

If it's metal, it needed to be told where to go, and I did the telling.

It started life as a different system that had two receiving channels. When it was reincarnated into SRA those parts were pulled out so now there is some "extra" space.

This system required me to go down to Florida and climb into the belly of one of NOAA's P3 Hurricane Hunters to verify the pressure vessel this rats nest fits into would fit into the plane.

This is the busy side of the antenna. I had to make a frame that would bolt up to an existing faring that bolted to the airplane.

What does it do?
At present, it is a one of a kind device. It looks downward from the belly of an aircraft and measures wave heights flying through hurricanes.

Why?
The data received helps forecasters predict the intensity of the storm when it hits land.

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Protocall, what protocall?

Every third week in January our test and measurement equipment must be calibrated. Most of the equipment is inspected in house by a third party and is only tied up for one day. The few instruments that require specialized equipment must be sent out.

This practice was dictated by a government agency a few years ago when we received a multi-assembly contract for a device that flies on the USAF C130 and NOAA P3 "Hurricane Hunters'. This cal check is really in the company's best interest because it guarantees that we're not getting false data due to an equipment mafunction or drift.

SO it should be of no surprise to anyone when the equipment that has been scattered to the four corners of building is collected and this cal is performed.

Right...

One of the software geeks was looking for an AFG (arbitrary function generator - HOW DO YOU CALIBRATE SOMETHING THAT'S ARBITRARY?) today which was boxed up and ready for pickup. Well, one of our esteemed fearless leaders barks out this gem "Open the box, get it back here, if you need to use it we shouldn't let them disturbe our development. It's a courtesy afterall."

ugh?!